Tag Archives: best self

Imagine in Your Favour and Be Kind to Yourself

owe myself an apology

We learn through repetition. The voice we hear most often is our own, so what we say to ourselves is more important than we may realize.

What if we imagined in our favour, supported ourselves through our self-talk and stopped bullying ourselves? We need to be our own best cheerleader.

As P!NK says in her song “F**kin’ Perfect”:
You’re so mean when you talk/About yourself/You were wrong/Change the voices in your head/Make them like you instead

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The Brick Wall

A few months ago, I read a book that resonated with me in a big way. It’s called The Last Lecture and was written by Randy Pausch, a professor, researcher and mentor at Carnegie Mellon University.

The book is based on Randy’s last lecture, “Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams”. Sadly, Randy lost his battle with pancreatic cancer in 2008. In his short life, however, he achieved many of his childhood dreams and has inspired millions to strive to achieve theirs.

Randy came to mind today as I sat pondering what I’ve achieved so far, some next steps, and what it will take to make my dreams come true. I’ve mapped out some pretty significant goals, worked with a great NLP-based coach to make progress in eliminating my limiting beliefs and negative emotions, and as I put everything into practice, the enormity of everything I want to do has suddenly stopped me in my tracks.

Because there it is. Right in front of me: The Big Scary Wall of Self-Doubt.

And on the other side: my heart’s desires.

That’s when Randy came to mind. In his book, he says:
“The brick walls are there for a reason. They’re not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something… The brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.”

When I’ve reached this point of self-doubt in the past, there were times when I summoned my strength, ignored the possibility of not succeeding, faced my fears and did it anyway.

Then there were the other times – when I threw my hands up, waved the white flag and closed the chapter on what might have been.

Why the difference – why do we sometimes give up and other times give it all we’ve got?

Does it really come down to how badly we want something? Looks like it. There are so many examples of accomplished people who faced the odds and through sheer determination and desire made things happen.

So here I am, facing the brick wall again.

Am I driven enough to silence the questioning self-talk? Can I get past the doubt? What will it take to get what I want and either break through that wall or vault over it, Navy Seal-style, to the other side?

I’m putting on my helmet and elbow pads. I’m armed with clear, vivid, Technicolor images of what I will see, hear, feel and do when I reach my goals. And I’m taking a run at it.

How badly do you want to achieve something? Will the brick wall keep you out?

Or will I see you on the other side?

Photo courtesy of: Image: renjith krishnan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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The Upside of Quitting


“They” say winners never quit and quitters never win. BUT it depends on what you’re quitting, and why. Here’s something to consider:

“Employ the power of positive quitting. Most of us view quitting as something negative, but it’s not. ‘Winners never quit,’ we’re told, when, in reality, winners quit all the time: choosing to stop doing things that aren’t creating the results they desire. When you quit all the things that aren’t working for you, when you quit tolerating all the negative things that hold you back, you’ll create a positive ‘charge’ in your life as well as create the space in your life for more positive experiences.” – Jim Allen, coach

So, I guess I’m a quitter. I’ve quit doing things that haven’t given me the results I want and have started doing things that are moving me closer to my goals. We have only so much time and energy — I’m choosing to spend mine aiming for that happy face. And I’m thrilled to report that these days I find myself smiling more, “just because”.

Be a quitter. Ditch the stuff that’s holding you back. Focus on what you want. It’s right there ahead of you — you just have to see it and reach for it.

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Leap and the Net Will Appear

Trust.

It’s a huge thing. Or is it?

From a young age, we naturally trust our caregivers, trust that we’ll get what we need, trust that if we speak up we’ll be heard, and trust that we can do anything.

Where does that trust get lost along the way? For some, it never does. Those are the people I look to for inspiration. They’re the ones who know in their gut that they can leap and the net will appear.

I recently read a novel, Belong to Me, by Marisa de los Santos. A memory described by one of her characters has awoken a desire in me to once again trust in the universe, trust in my talents and trust that I’m on the right track by taking a leap of faith:

“I found myself remembering Toby cliff diving on a family vacation to California, running full tilt, straight for the edge and over, flinging his body into nothingness with a whoop of exaltation. At the time, I’d thought it was pure, arrogant recklessness, the dumbest kind of dumb fun. But what if it was something more? What if cliff diving wasn’t as much about recklessness as trust, trust in the air to hold you and the water to cushion your fall? Belief in a benevolent universe. Kierkegaardian theology in action. Maybe, just maybe, it was Toby’s version of a leap of faith.”

What would happen if you opened yourself up to trust and took a leap of faith?

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Lost and Found

I found this list of rules I developed in a file that I clearly haven’t opened for some time. The page is dated 1997. That shocked me. Looks like I’ve had these tidbits of wisdom for 14 years without realizing it.

Over the past few years, I’ve continuously gone back to the drawing board to ask questions about myself, to figure out what’s important, to know my values and how I want to live my life. I would’ve saved so much time and angst if I’d posted these rules in 1997 and referred to them daily.

The good news is two-fold:
1. Now that I’ve found The Rules again, I’m keeping them front and centre for reference as I move forward, and
2. It’s worth doing a decluttering, archeological dig in your own home – I’m motivated to keep purging the rest of my files to see what other gems I can uncover!

Stay tuned…

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The Woman Across the Room

DVF

Confidence. Most people would love to have more.

The lucky ones are the ones who have it pouring out of their pockets. Right? It seems to be in the composition of their DNA. They shine. They have presence. We gravitate towards them. They don’t have to worry about confidence like the rest of us.

Or do they?

Are they as confident as we’ve convinced ourselves they are?

Or have they become masters of “fake it ‘til you make it” or other brands of similar mantras that motivate us when we need them most?

On Monday, I was in a workshop in which we were discussing confidence, particularly in the career sense – you know, interviews, networking, presenting your best self. Most people thought that others in the room were far more confident than they are, and wanted to be more like them.

Fast forward to Tuesday: I’m watching The Nate Berkus Show (I’m a devoted fan). One of Nate’s guests was Diane von Furstenberg, the famous designer and fashion icon. What an amazing woman!

In talking about herself, her vision and what she has aspired to achieve through her work, Diane said something that reinforced for me something that has become a recurring theme and reminder as I journey through my current life transformation. That is, there are two sides to the confidence equation: what you think about yourself and what others see. Here’s how Diane put it (best):

You always look at the woman across the room. And you think, “The woman across the room is so confident, and so put together, and so on.” But that woman is looking at you. And for her, you are the woman across the room. Everybody’s the same. It’s just a big waste of time to be insecure.

Way cool. Thank you, Diane.

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