You can lead a horse to water… but can you manage him to drink?

Sometimes it’s semantics (words, language), and sometimes it’s some antics (behaviour).

I recently responded to a blog post about the contrasts and comparisons between leaders and managers. We have all encountered both species in our working lives and personal lives. My premise is that it’s about the behaviour, not the label.

What did I say? Let’s tune in…

While I agree that theoretically, there are significant differences in the roles of leaders and managers, there are, as pointed out by many of you, times when leaders have to be managers as well, and vice versa.

Often when there is a need, a time or a circumstance for leading or for managing, it doesn’t matter whether the “Hello! I’m __________” name tag we slap on someone’s lapel says, “Hello! I’m a Manager”, or “Hello! I’m a Leader”.

In today’s world, unfortunately these labels have become interchangeable.

I think the comparisons and contrasts are not between managers and leaders, but, rather, between managing vs leading.

It’s not about your title, it’s what you do with it.

It’s about leading with integrity to get to a desired outcome in a way that has a positive impact on the team, the organization and your reputation.

Makes me think of the Margaret Thatcher quote posted on twitter earlier by @Leadershipfreak: “Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.”

Leading is self-evident — you don’t have to tell anyone you’re doing it, because it shows.

Fear, Change and Choosing to Do it Differently

I laughed when I read this. I mean, you HAVE to laugh. Right?? It’s funny!

Then I started to think about this…

I know… uh oh! Her fingers are hovering over the keyboard…

I guess back in the day, men were doing their best to figure things out in the workplace. Sadly, I don’t think they made it very far. Maybe it was due to narrow-minded, misogynistic views of the time. Or maybe it was just good, old-fashioned fear: fear of change, fear of being challenged and not having the answers, fear of losing territory, fear of “not being a man” (whatever THAT used to mean!).

My mind went immediately to those nature shows, where the narrator is speaking in hushed, golf commentator-type tones… “And now, we see the female human sitting at her desk. She completes her tasks confidently. When colleagues approach, notice how she nods, to indicate understanding and agreement in speaking with them. How big is her brain, that it absorbs all of this complicated business information? While in this concrete environment, she gets her nutrition from a lunch that she got ready for herself that morning, part of her self-care routine. She will later need to expend the energy of a distance runner as her day continues well into the evening, foraging for food on her way home, cooking a meal for her herd in their natural habitat, ensuring their safety and comfort. Amazing. What else, we must ask ourselves, is she capable of? Will she climb the corporate ladder despite the physical and emotional demands of bearing and raising children? Will she run for political office to make the world a better place? Will she make medical discoveries? WAIT!! What about the men??”

Here’s the thing. There’s room for everyone. It’s a big, abundant universe. All we have to do is ditch the whole matriarch/patriarch, male/female role crap from the past that doesn’t serve us anymore, and, whether you’re a man or a woman, take in the beautiful, panoramic view of choices, options, and limitless possibilities to think differently, have differently, do differently and be differently.

From where I sit, I think society in general is still trying to figure “it” out. (BTW, “trying” means “not doing” – stay tuned, I’ll explain this another time with Yoda’s help.) Not much to figure out, if you ask me. It’s about give and take. Playing nice in the sandbox. Being aware. Being accepting. Acknowledging that each person sees things based on his or her own filters (memories, fears, experiences, skills, beliefs). Trusting our selves. Focusing on what we know we can have if we only take the steps to get there. Making informed choices.

It’s not rocket science.
(Unless you’re a rocket scientist.)

A Piece of My Heart

On October 18, 2011, I lost a piece of my heart when my Dad, Nick Labaj, passed away.

He was a big part of my life, increasingly so as the years passed. After my Mom’s passing ten years ago, he and I became very close. We shared laughs, stories, a home for a few years, cooking secrets, friends, health concerns, sorrows and joys.

It was at the funeral home and funeral that I came to understand what a big impact he made on so many people outside of our family. Most kids think their Dad is great. I consider myself fortunate to be told just how great others thought he was. At the interment, one of my friends whom I haven’t seen in a few years said, simply, “Your Dad was cool.” This made me smile and cry at the same time.

He was very cool. He would come downstairs when we, the kids, were having a party, and raise a glass with our friends. When my Dad was in his 60s, he had “the safe sex talk” with one of my nephews. He had a great sense of humour that he’d use to make you spurt tea out of your nose, or laugh ’til you had to pee. He had great stories from the old country, Ukraine, and tales from the rough years in a labour camp in WWII Germany that would curl your toes. He worked hard and played hard. When he was given a prognosis of six weeks to live following colorectal cancer surgery, he refused to believe it and lived 24 “bonus” years, as he called them. He would kick your ass in Euchre. He would teach us life lessons. He would deliver lyrical Epistle readings in church on Sundays. He was tough. He was compassionate. He liked the music turned up loud. He was, indeed, very cool.

In his 90th year, he remained a force to be reckoned with, even as his health took a quick, downward spiral from August through October. Just a few days before he left us, he was still teasing his grandchildren, trying his best to muster up a twinkle in his eye, and putting on a brave face.

He left footprints in many hearts, as the literally hundreds of visitors at the funeral home and funeral would attest, as they paid their respects, offered their condolences and shared their own stories about my Dad.

Dad, you will be missed terribly and remembered always.

Just Draw

I recently responded to a conversation thread about creativity, specifically the top three skills needed to be creative. What I think, and what I’ve learned, is that we don’t need skills to be creative, we just need to create.

Here’s what I wrote:
Creativity blossoms in an environment that is judgment-free — and that includes head space. We need to give ourselves permission to be creative without fearing that we’ll be judged on our ideas, approaches, actions, or things we create through decorating, art, music, etc. With a level playing field where judgment of ourselves and others doesn’t impose (or self-impose) limits, it frees us up to entertain possibilities and opportunities we may otherwise dismiss.

Years ago, I was spending time with one of my nephews (then about 4 years old). We had paper, markers and crayons spread out on the table so that we could draw. He was on his third picture when he looked up and asked me why I hadn’t drawn anything yet. I told him I didn’t know what to draw (when really my inner voice was being critical of my talents and was holding me back because I was worried that my drawing wouldn’t be “good”). He replied, with the infinite wisdom that children have, “It doesn’t matter what you draw — just draw.”

It’s that simple.

BTW, the image above is a painting I created. Until today, no one else has seen it except another of my nephews who was with me when I painted it during what we called “art therapy”. The rules were that we just painted — anything — and we weren’t allowed to comment on each other’s work. At all. It was liberating.

And now it’s posted on the Internet.

It really is that simple.

Flexing the Creativity Muscle

This list (from d3novo.wordpress.com) was shared in a group conversation thread on LinkedIn. It did its job — it got me thinking…

There are so many ways to stay or become more creative, all starting with doing something a little differently. Or doing something, period. If we always do what we’ve done, we’ll keep getting what we’ve got.

I would add a few things to this list:

30. colour an image in a colouring book
31. use different coloured markers when writing lists or notes
32. pretend you’re a consultant looking at your situation: what would you advise?
33. choose a menu item out of your comfort zone next time you’re out
34. talk to someone you admire to get their perspective
35. check out a free event or attraction in your community
36. take a different route to work/grocery store/friend’s place
37. sit in a prime people-watching spot in a coffee shop and observe
38. make a meal from whatever is currently in your fridge and pantry — no recipe!
39. take a walk in your neighbourhood and notice everything

What else can we add?

What’s sparked your creativity?

BE the Fish

One of my brilliant nephews led me to a few amazing sites that I thought you might like.

In the last hour that I’ve been exploring them, I’ve come across a treasure trove of inspiration, templates to do thing differently, and ways to see things from a new perspective and get that “aha!!” that we all look for. (I know, I just ended a sentence with a preposition — I’m exploring my wild side again! Woo hoo! )

The first stop on our tour is at http://zenhabits.net/control/. Here you’ll see how letting go of the illusion of control and learning from fish how to live in and embrace the chaos that surrounds us. You’ll want to BE the fish. Honestly, it’s an amazing little piece. (It also made me think of Dorrie’s sage advice from “Finding Nemo” fame: “Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming.”)

I absolutely loved it and hope you do, too. It’s a quick read, with a light and bouncy, energizing flavour that leaves a slow, contemplative aftertaste.

Like the girl at the end of the recent Disneyworld TV advert, I’m jumping up and down just a little as I squeal, “I’m SO excited!!”

Happy Friday!

Image: Simon Howden / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Today’s Lesson: Keep Your Eyes Fixed on the Road Ahead

So, I did it. I crashed into The Big Scary Wall of Self-Doubt instead of vaulting over it or crashing through it.

I’m in recovery now.

I’ve met with a few people who have given me some perspective and some ideas on how to get up, dust myself off, and keep working through my transformational journey.

Some of you may know that during my career, I’ve been a full-time employee and a consultant operating her own business. Both are very fine and noble ways to make a living and, obviously, the full-time route is a bit more stable and secure. But my passion for being a change broker and making a difference is what fuels me. So that’s the road I’ve been on in this current journey.

I want very much to take the entrepreneurial route again — I loved it, it fed my desire for challenges, it provided me a way to pursue my passion and it opened my eyes to all kinds of perspectives I didn’t have before. But, as Robert Herjavec of TV’s Dragon’s Den fame will tell you, it’s not for the faint of heart. In addition to having the drive, you need to be at ease with taking risks, willing to make tough decisions, put in all kinds of time and effort when needed, and stay focused.

I recently read Herjavec’s book Driven: How to Succeed in Business and in Life. As with many self-made successful entrepreneurs, he learned some very valuable (and sometimes tough) lessons throughout his life, starting when he was a 12-year-old immigrant from Croatia, to enjoying the life he has built for himself and his family and growing more businesses.

One thing his wealth has been able to do is satisfy his craving for fast cars. Herjavec raced his Ferrari in the Formula Vee (a class of racing for young and older non-professional drivers). In his book, he draws a compelling analogy between focus in business and focus on the racetrack:

Competitive racing teaches you one thing above all, and that’s the complex power of your mind. When it comes to survival instincts, the mind proves more powerful than the body. Here’s an example: you enter a corner at two hundred kilometres an hour and the car begins to spin. Ahead of you, as the car slides along the track, is a wall. You don’t want to hit the wall for a dozen reasons, ranging from losing the race to potentially losing your life. The normal human reaction is to look at the wall; the wall is a threat to be avoided at all costs. In racing, you are taught never to look at the wall, because if you do you will surely hit it, no matter how hard you try to avoid it. That’s because during the few milliseconds it takes to absorb the message – Omigod, I’m going to hit the wall! – your hands will freeze on the steering wheel.

Experienced drivers learn to avoid looking at the wall and fix their eyes instead on where they want to go, which is down the track ahead of them. In other words, you train your mind on where you want to go and not where you appear to be going. This sounds to me like a pretty good analogy for doing business in a competitive climate – look away from the danger and towards the opportunity. Or, if you prefer, keep your eye on your objective and avoid staring at the wall.

I read this passage a few times and realized that I’ve been staring at the wall with fear, worrying about crashing, instead of focusing on the road ahead. I have an arsenal of experience and expertise, I’ve run a consulting business before, and I’m told I’m pretty smart. So why am I letting worries, fears and silly reasons keep me from succeeding?

I’m focusing on the road ahead where I can do what I love, brake when I need to, take the curves as they come, and when I’m ready, open up and go full throttle towards the finish line.

Image: Pete Keen / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Brick Wall

A few months ago, I read a book that resonated with me in a big way. It’s called The Last Lecture and was written by Randy Pausch, a professor, researcher and mentor at Carnegie Mellon University.

The book is based on Randy’s last lecture, “Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams”. Sadly, Randy lost his battle with pancreatic cancer in 2008. In his short life, however, he achieved many of his childhood dreams and has inspired millions to strive to achieve theirs.

Randy came to mind today as I sat pondering what I’ve achieved so far, some next steps, and what it will take to make my dreams come true. I’ve mapped out some pretty significant goals, worked with a great NLP-based coach to make progress in eliminating my limiting beliefs and negative emotions, and as I put everything into practice, the enormity of everything I want to do has suddenly stopped me in my tracks.

Because there it is. Right in front of me: The Big Scary Wall of Self-Doubt.

And on the other side: my heart’s desires.

That’s when Randy came to mind. In his book, he says:
“The brick walls are there for a reason. They’re not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something… The brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.”

When I’ve reached this point of self-doubt in the past, there were times when I summoned my strength, ignored the possibility of not succeeding, faced my fears and did it anyway.

Then there were the other times – when I threw my hands up, waved the white flag and closed the chapter on what might have been.

Why the difference – why do we sometimes give up and other times give it all we’ve got?

Does it really come down to how badly we want something? Looks like it. There are so many examples of accomplished people who faced the odds and through sheer determination and desire made things happen.

So here I am, facing the brick wall again.

Am I driven enough to silence the questioning self-talk? Can I get past the doubt? What will it take to get what I want and either break through that wall or vault over it, Navy Seal-style, to the other side?

I’m putting on my helmet and elbow pads. I’m armed with clear, vivid, Technicolor images of what I will see, hear, feel and do when I reach my goals. And I’m taking a run at it.

How badly do you want to achieve something? Will the brick wall keep you out?

Or will I see you on the other side?

Photo courtesy of: Image: renjith krishnan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A “Lille Bit” About Me

New and improved! All new content!

Yes, I finally updated my “About” page with more than a message about being a work in progress.

If you’d like to know a “lille bit” about me, please take a look.

The Upside of Quitting

“They” say winners never quit and quitters never win. BUT it depends on what you’re quitting, and why. Here’s something to consider:

“Employ the power of positive quitting. Most of us view quitting as something negative, but it’s not. ‘Winners never quit,’ we’re told, when, in reality, winners quit all the time: choosing to stop doing things that aren’t creating the results they desire. When you quit all the things that aren’t working for you, when you quit tolerating all the negative things that hold you back, you’ll create a positive ‘charge’ in your life as well as create the space in your life for more positive experiences.” - Jim Allen, coach

So, I guess I’m a quitter. I’ve quit doing things that haven’t given me the results I want and have started doing things that are moving me closer to my goals. We have only so much time and energy — I’m choosing to spend mine aiming for that happy face. And I’m thrilled to report that these days I find myself smiling more, “just because”.

Be a quitter. Ditch the stuff that’s holding you back. Focus on what you want. It’s right there ahead of you — you just have to see it and reach for it.